If You Want to Be Happy, Be

Happiness is something we all want, but few of us truly understand.
For years, I believed it was something I had to earn — a reward life would give me once things finally went right. But life kept happening, problems kept coming, and happiness always slipped away.

Until one day, a simple quote changed everything:
“If you want to be happy, be.”

This is the story of how I stopped chasing happiness and started choosing it.

When Happiness Felt Out of Reach

There was a period in my life when happiness felt almost elusive. Every time I reached for it, something happened that snatched it away. I grew up in poverty, but my parents worked tirelessly to give us a better life. They tried business after business, some successful, some not — but through their hard work, my brother and I were sent to private schools and even prestigious universities.

But behind that inspiring story was a truth I didn’t talk about.

My mother was a battered wife.

Domestic violence was the quiet background of our childhood. The fear, the shouting, the tension — it was a kind of trauma that stayed in my bones. I will never forget the day when I was 10 and my brother was 12, and our parents asked us a question no child should ever hear:

“Who do you want to live with if we separate?”

We couldn’t process it. We didn’t even understand what it meant. We were confused, scared, and too young to carry that kind of emotional weight.

They stayed together for a while. Things became quiet. And I thought, maybe this is it — maybe I can finally be happy.

But after 25 years of marriage, they separated.
And as if life was following a script, my own seven-year relationship also ended.

Finding Happiness Abroad… Then Losing It Again

Like many Filipinos, I worked abroad. At first, it was exciting — new country, new life, new chapter. I felt happy. Hopeful. Strong.

And then, suddenly, I wasn’t.

Depression came quietly. It didn’t announce itself. One day I was my normal self; the next day I barely felt like a person. It was terrifying. I survived it once. And then a few years later, it happened again — even more terrifying than before.

But I survived again.

And that survival taught me something I never expected:

Bad things will always happen.
Problems don’t end.
Life doesn’t wait for you to feel ready to be happy.

That realization changed everything.

The Real Meaning of “If You Want to Be Happy, Be”

This quote is not about pretending everything is fine.
It’s not about forcing yourself to smile through pain.

It’s much deeper than that.

1. Happiness is a choice you make, not something you wait for.

You cannot control everything in life, but you can control how you respond, how you think, and where you place your attention.

2. Happiness is built through habits, not luck.

Small daily actions — gratitude, breathing, reflection, kindness — change your emotional baseline.

3. Happiness does not require perfect circumstances.

People often say, “I’ll be happy when…”
But life doesn’t work that way.
There will always be something unfinished, uncertain, or imperfect.

Choosing happiness despite the messiness is where real strength lies.

How I Started Choosing Happiness

Every morning, I make a simple promise to myself:

“No matter what happens today, I choose to be happy.”

Not because my life is perfect.
Not because problems disappear.
But because my mindset shapes the way my day unfolds.

Here’s what helped me:

• I reframe instead of denying.

“I’m hurting” becomes

“I’m hurting — but I am still here, and I can grow.”

• I build tiny habits that lift my spirit.

A one-minute breathing break.
A gratitude list before bed.
One small kindness to someone else.

• I stop letting negative thoughts take over.

When my mind spirals, I gently pull myself back.
Not by force — by awareness.

These are small actions, but they create a powerful shift.

What Changed When I Decided to “Be” Happy

I became more resilient.
I stopped waiting for perfect moments.
I learned to find peace in imperfect days.
I became kinder to myself.
I realized that even when life hurts, happiness can still exist alongside the pain.

Today, if you ask me:

“Are you happy?”

My answer is:
Yes. Truly. Honestly. Deeply, yes.

Not because life is easy.
Not because everything has healed.
But because I finally understood that happiness is not a destination — it’s a daily decision.

And as my math teacher once said,
“Don’t make everything complicated. Always make things simple.”

Life didn’t become easier.
I just became someone who chooses happiness anyway.

Maybe you can, too.
One small decision at a time.